Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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