Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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