I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
