the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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