I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
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Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
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I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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