so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
