Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
