Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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