please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
