your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize