You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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