like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize