i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
