Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
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Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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