I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
