i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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