I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
