on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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