apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
