She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
