Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
