Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
3pm strippers are depressing
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
