I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
