Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh god it's open bar.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
