What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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