When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
