i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize