You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
