Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
