so that wasnt chicken after all
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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