Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
