he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
