Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
