Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
