i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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