Swine flu is the new snow day.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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