I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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