Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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