you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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