at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
