I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
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I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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