Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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