I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
