He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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