just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
