According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You left your phone here
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