we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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