i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
