Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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