I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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