someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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