At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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