woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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