I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I've blown a few things in my day
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
