2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
be right there i have to get my cape
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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