I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
