i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
