I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Your penis caused this!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
