every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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