..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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