well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
