A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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