Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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