Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
