Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
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i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
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I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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