Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
