so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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