Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
