Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Randomize
